I love Twitter spats. I hope the company doesn’t fold, because some of the fun to be had there makes me want to ride a bike up a hill. The Left, of course, are the principle source of amusement. Nothing cheers me more than to race across the lawn of the internet, leap Stalky-like into the dorm room of Twitter, and open the toybox in which I keep my Leftie chums. The only thing I enjoy more than a wrassle with a Leftie is a dust-up with a Leftie journalist. I realise that the phrase ‘Leftie journalist’ is a pleonasm but, pace Leibniz, this is not the best of all possible worlds.
David Aaronovitch is, in my opinion and as I told him on Twitter, one of the most over-rated journalists currently working in the UK media. His latest opinion piece assured us that ‘populists’ – and populism is the new racism – will not be gaining power anytime soon. Apart from being wrong – see Geert Wilders, for example – this stance exemplifies the attitude the media have towards the ordinary person, the little people, me and you. They despise us. ‘Populism’ even comes from populus, the Latin word for people. What Aaronovitch is saying is that the people and their votes - what the vapid android John Major recently called 'the tyranny of the majority' - will not triumph, will not take part in preventing the type of globalist craphouse journos would be quite happy to impose on the rest of us, so that they can have a good laugh from their gated communities at the little people making soup from cardboard boxes.
So I told him what I thought, not expecting that he would get involved or reply any more than Diane Abbott did when I called her a disgrace to black people, Alastair Campbell did when I asked him whether he could sleep at night, or Anjem Choudary does when I ask him endless questions about Chas and Dave. (Example; ‘Imam. If Chas and Dave revert to Islam, will they have to shave their beards and grow new Muslim ones?’) And I feel anyone on Twitter is fair game. It is not The Vienna Circle. So I was shouting down an empty well, as usual, or so I thought. With David Aaronovitch, however,I was wrong.
Boy, did he bite. He obviously had a peek at this weblog, an internet site so influential that it is clearly worthy the attention of time of journalists employed by the world-famous The Times. I wonder whether his employers know he spends his time looking at this filth. I shall have to ask them. Here, with intermissions, is the conversation we had on Twitter, that halfwit agora, that idiot’s debating chamber we love so much. My comments are italicised, David’s stand erect:
· Aaronovitch is one of the most over-rated journalists writing in the UK.
Now, I take this truth to be self-evident. The usual suspects we know about: Toynbee, Bunting, Clark, White, Fisk et al. But I put Aaronovitch on a par with someone like Howard Jacobson. It’s all comfortably numb, Leftist, north London navel-gazing. No pressure, no literary élan, no incisiveness, just a suave Leftist intellectual lockstep. Popular, of course, in the way that Miley Cyrus or Lady Gaga are popular despite being anodyne. It’s just that the popularity of these journos doesn’t extend outside of a sort of virtual Islington. My American reader will have to look that one up.
These writers, you see, are little more than corporate bloggers annoyed that chavs like me are allowed into the party, even though I’m lucky to get 100 readers a day while these guys are read – for the time being, at least – by tens of thousands. But let us move on. David, as I say, obviously swung by Traumaville, and was concerned at what he ‘read’. Behold.
· "I’ve just visited my local supermarket, in which I swear I was the only white face." Where was that?
· Costa Rica, you oaf. Read the whole fucking piece.
· No. It wasn't. The 'fucking piece' said it was a town in the U.K. So where was it?
What greatly concerns me here is that a professional journalist can read an opening paragraph, even one in a pissant blog such as that maintained here, and just not get it. I was going to refer you to the paragraph in question but, of course, silly goose that I am, I forgot that you can just scroll down to my last post and see it for yourselves. I suggest you do. *Whistles a popular tune* Ah, so there you are. We swashbuckled on;
· David, you must read the paragraph again. I may have to speak to your employers about this. Read it again. Don't look foolish.
· And also, once u've named it tell us more abt the "Pansy Left" and women who are "egregious porkers".
· The Pansy Left was a phrase used by George Orwell in a letter. Egregious porkers are fatties. Next Q?
· See David? You are just not as good as you think you are. I'm going to refer to you, from this day onward, as Dunning-Kruger.
· Have you got all busy, Dave? You are my next blog post, amigo.
· Um, it doesn't say women. It says Americans. Get a sub to help you if you can't keep up, Dave.
Now, I admit that I am a nasty little bastard on Twitter but, as mentioned, that is for me a part of the pleasure of the platform. Social media should be rough and tumble. I had to shed a lot of old ‘friends’ on Facebook (although they were once genuine friends) when they scolded me for making political comments that were not in alignment with their Leftist world-view. They littered Facebook – or LongFacebook as I christened it after Brexit/Trump – with their Leftist bollocks, but say a word about cautious immigration, say, or Muslims, the new Jews, and fuck me did they come down on you like a sack of hot horse-shit. But I digress.
To his great credit, David Aaronovitch apologised.
· You're right. It's a strange conceit, but yes, you did mean Costa Rica. My apologies for that.
· Accepted. I had Breitbart interested in this spat for about 5 minutes. But all is now quiet on the Western front.
· I don't give a monkey's about Breitbart, Mark.
· I suspect that to be something of an untruth. Much like my original statement concerning them. Good day to you.
· And I believe I stole that conceit from the opening to Waugh's Handful of Dust. I'll check.
In closing, a few points.
The Left are extraordinarily thin-skinned. I have one Twitter adversary, Jamie McDonald, whose Twitter profile reads as follows;
I'm not pretending to hate you, I actually fucking hate you. All Opinions my own, who the fuck else would they belong to? Not a Blairite, thanks.
Tough, two-fisted stuff, you’ll agree. He even has the Twitter handle @JamieMcBastard. But when I sent him a link to this blog as a little tease, he reported me to the company for ‘spamming’ him. Baffled, I explained to him that spamming is a phenomenon restricted to email. Twitter is, if you like, constant spamming. All comments are unsolicited. If you don’t like it, my opinion is that you should fuck off to your safe space. I mentioned to Jamie that he would be in this posting, and do you know what he said? He said this.
· If you’re writing about me you either need to get out more or consider a trip to Dignitas.
Extraordinary on two counts. Firstly, as Old Traumavillians know full well, I am in the Costa Rican rain forest. When I pause from my writing, it is usually to look up at a passing Toucan, White-faced Capuchin monkey or Scarlet Macaw. And the occasional sloth. Where does he suggest I ‘get out more’ to? Croydon?
Secondly, Dignitas is the famed centre – in Switzerland, I believe – for assisted suicide. Is he suggesting I kill myself? Or is this a veiled threat? If it were a threat, and I were him, I would be whining to Twitter or the police now. And, to look at his profile, he himself belongs in jail simply for wearing that tie. I told another Twitter Leftie recently that I could find out where he lived – I can, there’s a trick to it with Twitter – and he included the Twitter handle for the London Metropolitan Police in his reply. Their skin is so thin that the finest gossamer is stout protection by comparison.
But to return to David Aaronokvetch. Sorry, Aaronovitch. I bear him no animus. I don’t know him. But I am concerned about three things.
He failed to read what I had written. I was a sub-editor for ten years, and failure to read accurately is a cardinal sin.
He has not read Eric Blair’s letters.
On believing that I was attacking women – I wasn’t – exhibiting homophobia – I wasn’t – or being some Ukipper Colonel Blimp – I’m not – he was as triggered as a Black Studies student in a London university who has just been into the library and seen a copy of Conrad’s Nigger of the Narcissus.
As we know, the UK print media are not hiring. ABC figures are looking as healthy as a publisher who has decided to bring out a pop-up edition of Mein Kampf. The Guardian and The Independent may not be around this time next year. The Telegraph is haemorrhaging jobs faster than Kellogg’s. The legacy media will last Mr. Aaronovitch’s life time, but his children may have to seek alternative employment. The reason? Populism. That is, the people. They are beginning to wake, as though from a long sleep.